Living With Agoraphobia
As some of you know living with agoraphobia isnt a picnic in the park. In almost three years Ive lost almost all contact with my family, lost all my friends and my social life has become non-existent. My wife and I dont go out to eat and we dont go shopping together. I probably check the mail once a week now and dont drive any longer. Even in my home doing simple things have become hard to do, like washing dishes or giving the dogs a bath. I can barely watch tv and the internet is about the only thing that takes my mind off of my anxiety.
The thing about agoraphobia is that its a way of thinking and not so much a disease or something wrong with you. Its actually a way of thinking and not being able to relax. My mind constantly goes and I stay up all night most of the time just so Im dead tired when I go to bed or Ill just lay there and think. Going to bed at odd hours has caused stress with my wife who sometimes thinks I avoid her or dont want to be around her.
I used to be able to drive and why I was able to do so was because I pushed myself everyday to do so and now that I havent made myself I dont even consider doing it. Its not as easy as just jumping in the car and making yourself do it. Youre taking risks when getting into a car and maybe having a panic attack while driving. What I mean is that Ive had panic attacks in traffic and anyone whos ever had a panic attack knows that you dont exactly think straight. When Id have one in traffic I sometimes go around cars and drive really fast, sometimes recklessly! Whenever someone has a panic attack they not only have the normal worries of driving like watching for others and obeying traffic laws. They must try and concentrate much harder and in between having thoughts of dying and not being able to breath it can be a challenge, so thats why Im not too crazy about jumping in my car and taking off.
Other than that I pretty much do nothing. Agoraphobia will limit you as much as you let it and sometimes it just happens and the longer you put something off like driving the harder it will be to get back into doing it. I read somewhere about a guy who wouldnt get out of bed because he was scared hed have a panic attack when he stood up. He was like that for years and he eventually faced it and got better. So, there is hope but others must think that its not as easy as just doing it. If you knew when you stepped outside that youd feel like youre going to have a heart attack and like you might faint and couldnt breath, youd have second thoughts about stepping outside also. Knowing that youre just panicking helps but it helps very little when youre heart starts beating out of your chest and your mind tells you, youre dying and you cant breath. My message here is to be sensitive to people who have agoraphobia and listen to what they have to say. This is a serious disorder and should be taken seriously.