How Anxiety and Agoraphobia Affects My Family
I know my wife and my sister arent my whole family actually they are the only people in my family I speak with. Ive talked enoug about how anxiety effects me and my social life but how has it impacted the others around me? I asked my sister and my wife to write whatever comes to mind and in unedited form Id post it on my site for others to read and relate to.
Tabitha (My Wife):James and I use to have a close companionship together but over the years of his agoraphobia and anxiety I feel as if we have drifted away some. Because we use to go out and do simple little things together that is hard for me to accept and cope with today. Such as Going out to the movies, Shopping, Just playing around with toys and stuff at Wal-Mart just acting crazy, him embarrassing me in the stores. (Laughing) All that changed within one day. When he changed my life began to change as well. Ever since that night he came home from work and told me about the panic attacks that he had been having, I began to worry about him and his health. It scared me to think his life was changing, not knowing it was going to be years later still in the same boat. Not knowing that he was going to quit his job. We both was just thinking that it was a one time thing he’ll be better in a couple of days, just need to see a doctor and hope that everything is ok and its no big deal. Well we went to the doctor’s office the next day.
After he was finished filling out his information and stuff, sitting there waiting which didn’t help his situation any. We were in the doctor’s office for maybe 10 minutes at the most. He looked at me and said, “Lets Go” Very anxious. I could see the look on his face that he was scared and sweaty and pail looking. So we walked quickly out to the car. Once we got in the car he said he was feeling better. He could feel the pressure releasing as he was walking out, that he felt fine now. He just knew that if he went back in there he would look stupid, in his mind. So we just drove back home. Then each day of missing work one day formed into two days, then three before you know it he was avoiding going in public places. Driving became hard for him as well even before the panic attacks. He would only drive so far and that was it. Any farther he would panic. Which became to suck in my situation because that limited me to doing things with him and going places I like to go.
Then it just started becoming a pattern with him. After a while we starting talking about me, that I need a friend that I can go and do stuff with since he couldn’t fill that void for me. Well I began looking for friends, it hasn’t worked out for me so far because I’m so busy being the only one working and all. Or everyone I meet was either a party person or into drugs, or they just didn’t cut it there not like me or James, so I automatically shoot them down, not giving them a chance. I then became to realize it hurts me; not being with James it’s just not the same hanging out with someone other than him. He is all I want. When I do go out and meet people, I think about him the whole time. Like I wonder what James is doing, James would like this, James this James that. I miss him more than anything. So I have just stayed home, making myself think I’m a home body like James, when all it comes down to is that I miss being able to do things with him being around him. It just really affects me and makes me feel down about myself because; I wish that I could do something for him and make it go a way. But I can’t I just wish that everything would go back to normal for us and for me. Its just very stressful on my part to deal with all the pressure.
Alisha (My Sister):
The relationship my brother and I have has always been, perhaps, the strongest a brother and sister could ever have. I would look up to him as a father-figure, really, because we'd spend most of our time together. Therefore, he's taught me so many things like a father would, but he was just being my big brother. Sometimes, we didn't even have to go out to have fun, just hang out and talk because we were just so close.
When he moved to Cross Lanes, I would come and see him. He worked, too, very hard. He was really gone until dawn, but he always had time to go out and spend time with me or his wife. He was coming home with all kinds of things he'd buy. He was just loving and living his life. Being a husband, working, and on his own.
I was there when he came home after having a panic attack at work. It was all new to me just hearing about it, so I really didn't know what to do nor say, but I did know that just by seeing how he was acting and talking that he needed to get some help. Before I knew it, he wasn't working anymore. He was put to himself in his house and away from the world, I guess you could say. Even though it's been a few years now, I still find it awkward because he was one of the most outgoing people I knew. I mean, he was never home when we were younger, then having to see him in the situation he's in now is mind-boggling.
We haven't seen each other since and it's really hard for me. If I could, I would change lives with him, but it has brought us closer because I have some problems, too, and I feel I can confide in him because he knows what I am talking about. We both know how we feel and think of things. We haven't lead the worst lives, but they weren't the best, so I can see how it's taken its toll on him. I guess you could say we have a better connection. We can communicate better because we have similiar problems that most people tend to not understand. I wish he could go out and do the things he use to, but I know he is trying what he can, and that's better than what most people do in the world. I would love for him to come see me and my dad. My dad's been wanting to see him for a while now and he just can't. I would love to see him take his wife out to dinner, to a movie, or just somewhere where they can be together. There's nothing I can really do, but pray. I think about all the times we had together and I wish we could bring them back. He's one of the smartest, most funny, and great people I know. It's a shame someone like that had to lead such a life and be pushed away from living. He's young and never has been afraid of anything. I don't know how everyone else feels, but I know that as long as the Lord is on his side, he can make it.